It hit me like a bucket of cold water. The news that my friend had passed away. Before I could stop them, tears filled my eyes as thoughts of this dear man came to mind. I was not ready. We had plans - this week. We had ideas and dreams of things we were going to do together with music. I was not ready to say "good bye" - to accept that I would no longer see him, dressed in his western shirts and cowboy boots. That I would no longer hear his voice, sing with him, and laugh together as we muddled through a song in his tiny apartment, trying not to clobber one another with our guitars in the cramped space.
He was old, and so thin you could slide him under a door, I used to tease. He couldn't see, due to macular degeneration - but you would never know it. He lived alone, was caretaker of his apartment complex, walked his dog, played guitar, helped his friends, went to church regularly and had a girlfriend.
It was a privilege to sing with him. He had hundreds of songs stored in his head. When we would sing and play guitar together, I would have to watch him like a hawk and follow his singing, wherever he went, as his words did not always match the words on my page! One time, our stage manager asked Herb if the music stand was in the right spot for him to see. We laughed, as I reminded him that Herb couldn't see anyway!
A gracious and humble man, Herb was not easily offended and forgave readily. I was supposed to pick him up for a singing engagement we were to do. However, I misunderstood and kept him waiting for almost an hour before a friend could pick him up - he laughed about it. I felt terrible, but he brushed it off, and never gave it another thought, though it inconvenienced him horribly.
Herb tackled life - he didn't just live it. The last time I was at his home, we talked about how, when he was finished with his physical therapy, he wanted to help rehabilitate horses that had been abused. Who would ever think that a man of his age and condition would want to do that? He was not one to let age restrict his dreams and passions.
A threat to those who would do evil, Herb was a protector of the innocent. I think many were taken aback if they angered him, by how deceitfully strong and brave this wisp of a man could be.
He lived what humbleness looks like in the face of adversity. He could have been demanding and bitter about the health issues he faced, but he wasn't. He was a pleasure to be around, though pain was often a constant companion.
A living example of the power of God, Herb enjoyed his faith. Once on a destructive and unhealthy path, after deciding to make Jesus the Lord of his life, he was changed. Religion was not a weakness, it was not a ritual, it was living life with Jesus. It was serving and ministering, being brave and strong and hanging on to faith - not as a crutch, but as the inner strength from which people of noble character are born.
Why do I share these things? This is how I grieve - I write. It is part of the processing of my world. But also, as I reflect on the life of this man who had blessed me with his friendship, I realize that I have gleaned directions for my own journey from him. During my time with him I had tucked tidbits of all that I admired about this man into quiet places in my soul. His was a life well lived. Though he didn't have much in material wealth and possessions, he had much in the way of things that mattered. Faith, Family and Friends. In our busy lives, do we take the time to invest in people? We can get so busy, that we miss the blessing being in relationship with others, brings. I have been, and still am, guilty of this. People are what matter. Bottom line. Herb's life was a constant reminder to me of this.
I wish he were still here, so I could tell him how much I respected and admired him, so we could finish our music projects and sing together one last time. But I rejoice that he is with his Lord, that his life was important, and worthwhile and that I will see him again someday. I'm still not ready. I will miss him. But I am forever grateful for the time I had.
1 Cor. 13:12
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
Herb is able to see clearly now. He knows fully all that God intended for him to know and understand. He is seeing his Lord face to face. And the angels are rejoicing by singing Country Gospel songs :)
